Walking In A Smiling Suit

Depression is something I never thought I would deal with, but it seems as though I am having to. I always believed I would maintain pure happiness through my teenage years but I guess that was wishful thinking. Depression seemed to engulf me significantly from my parents divorce which at first, didn't affect me. I let the emotions build, the stress bottle up and keep my thoughts to myself. I felt I had nobody to express them to.

The situation still is yet to be resolved and it enraged me so much that I had long periods of crying to myself, I felt so weak. My "friends"... I never knew when to speak, I had always the thought in the back of my mind "they're just going to take the mick here". Everything I said. Everything I did. It just never seems adequate or good enough for anyone.

I try my hardest but it just seems as though I could never make anyone content with what I did. I had the utmost love and respect for my family and friends but when it comes to the extent of not enjoying life and even at some points having actual suicidal thoughts, it made me question whether I could keep going or not.

I tried every day to gather strength within myself to ensure happiness filled my day, but it seemed it was a rarity. "Banter" has become a misconception to me now. I don't know how to act anymore around others without the fear of being ridiculed non-stop. I may appear as a confident person, but I guess I'm either a good actor or I'm just walking in a smiling suit.

#Depression #School #Personal #Family #TomDavis #InsertTagline